Many Christians and churches claim that husbands are the heads of their wives and that women should submit to (some even say obey) their husbands. This is an unfortunate misunderstanding of scripture. Below is a biblical overview seeking to correct this misunderstanding and show that scripture encourages an egalitarian mutualism in the marriage, where husband and wife are mutually submissive, which is built upon mutual love, service, and equality in Christ.
1. EQUALITY IN CREATION
Both man and woman are created in God’s image and jointly given the mandate to steward creation, indicating equal partnership from the beginning.
Image Bearing and Responsibility
“27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’” – Genesis 1:27-28
Notice that both men and women were created in the image of God and both were commanded to be fruitful, subdue, and rule together.
Ezer Kenegdo
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (ezer) suitable (kenegdo) for him.’” – Genesis 2:18
In the original Hebrew, the phrase used to describe Eve is “ezer kenegdo.” Ezer means “one who helps” and is a term used of God himself as the stronger one who helps in Psalm 33:20. (“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help [ezer] and our shield.”) Kenegdo means ”similar or equal to,” indicating equality in correspondence, not subordination—”an equal companion.” Below are various translations of this verse.
NIV – “I will make a helper suitable for him.” KJV – “I will make him an help meet for him.” CSB – “I will make a helper corresponding to him.” ISV – “I will make the woman to be an authority corresponding to him.” NET – “I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.”
Notice how some translations are closer to this intended meaning, while others aren’t.
Unity in Marriage
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24
The concept of “one flesh” underscores unity and partnership in marriage, suggesting a relationship characterized by mutual respect and equality.
By beginning with these three texts, we see God’s original intentions for the male-female relationship. Both man and woman are created in God’s image and jointly given the madate to steward creation, indicating equal partnership from the beginning.
Both man and woman are created in God’s image and jointly given the mandate to steward creation, indicating equal partnership from the beginning.
2. EQUALITY IN CHRIST
Both men and women have equal standing in Christ and before Christ as our mediator.
No Male or Female in Christ
“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28
In Christ, traditional social distinctions of status are transcended, affirming the equal standing of men and women in all aspects of life, including marriage.
No Mediator but Christ
“For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus.” – 1 Timothy 2:5
Here, the Greek word for “mankind” is anthrōpos (which means “human being”). If Paul had intended to say an “adult human male,” he would’ve used the Greek word anēr. Thus, Jesus Christ is the mediator between God and both male and female humans. Men are not the mediators between women and Jesus. Contrary to the popular umbrella metaphor that’s floating around out there, husbands are not the “covering” for their wives. They equally turn to Jesus together.
Men are not the mediators between women and Jesus.
3. MUTUAL SUBMISSION AND INTERDEPENDENCE
Paul teaches that marriage should be mutually submissive rather than unilaterally submissive, with wives subjected to husbands. Furthermore, Paul argues that husbands and wives are mutually interdependent.
Mutual Submission
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21
Paul leads this section with the command to “submit to one another.” Then he explains what mutual submission looks like in various relationships (Ephesians 5:21-6:9)—wives to husbands (5:22), husbands to wives (5:25), children to parents (6:1), fathers to children (6:4), slaves to masters (6:5), and masters to slaves (6:9).
This is further supported by the fact that in the earliest original Greek manuscripts, verse 22 does not contain the verb “submit.” Rather, it’s insinuated or borrowed from verse 21. The Lexham English Bible, one of the most literal translations out there, renders this verse as “—wives to their own husbands as to the Lord.” Additionally, the Greek word for submit in verse 21 is Ὑποτασσόμενοι (hypotassomenoi)—which is masculine and can include both male and female subjects. However, it cannot only reference women in this context. Therefore, it CANNOT be used as a unique command for wives or women, and must be used in the context of verse 21. “Submission” MUST be used for both men and women. Lastly, the word “submit” is equally absent from verse 24, other than for “as the church submits to Christ.” Again, because it is borrowed from verse 21 for wives, it cannot be used as a unique command for women but must be understood as a call to be equally submissive to one another. See Marg Mowczko’s excellent writing about this here and here if you’re skeptical.
Paul began with “wives to their husbands” as an exhortation to those women who were taking part in a gender and sexual revolution that some modern scholars call “The New Roman Woman” to submit themselves to their husbands (for more on this, see Scot McKnight’s “The Blue Parakeet“). I explain more about this below in the section below about 1 Corinthians 11:3.
He also encouraged men to submit themselves to their wives by loving them. Marriages were not based on love in ancient Greco-Roman culture. Wives served the purposes of providing children and managing the home. As the Greek statesman Demosthenes wrote, “We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation, and we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and being faithful guardians for our household affairs.” Furthermore, as Aristotle pointed out when he wrote, “it is the part of the ruler to be loved, not to love or else to love in another way,” to love a woman, even your wife, was seen as weakness. A man would never want to subject himself to the control of a woman by loving her. These are the cultural attitudes that Paul is correcting for they are not Christlike.
Mutual Authority Over Each Other’s Bodies
“3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
This passage highlights mutual submission of our bodies within marriage, promoting a balanced and reciprocal relationship.
All this is to say Paul teaches that marriage should be mutually submissive and interdependent.
Paul teaches that marriage should be mutually submissive and interdependent.
Interdependence with Equality
“11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” – 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
Paul makes this statement after having addressed women for dishonoring both men and themselves with their shameful behavior, reminding them in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that the “head of the woman is man.” By “head” in this instance, Paul means “source” (think headwaters of a river) because woman was taken out of man in Genesis.
However, Paul also reminds the men that “man is born of woman.” This was a common phrase used by some Greek women to promote female liberation from male authoritarianism. Paul agrees with them for the purposes of redefining headship (see below) and promoting mutuality in Christ. Now, consider the idea that male and female would not be interdependent if the creation order was reversed—if the first man came from woman. The woman would always have preeminence. By saying “woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman,” Paul is teaching an equality of interdependence since women came from man AND men come from woman. For more on “headship” in 1 Corinthians 11:3, see below.
4. PAUL REDEFINES ‘HEADSHIP’
Headship in Ephesians 5:23
“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” – Ephesians 5:23
In classical Greek, the term “head” (Greek: kephalē) refers to the physical head of a living body. It can also mean a physical head, or source (think headwaters of a river), or preeminence (think about how the most prominent part of a person’s body is their head) and is also often used metaphorically to indicate “authority over,” like the head of a department, army, or empire.In the Greco-Roman culture, the head-body (kephalē–soma) metaphor was most often used about the relationship between the emperor (head) and the people (body) or a general (head) and the army (body). The body served the head, sacrificing itself for the glory (or reputation) and protection of the head. This authoritarian use of the head-body metaphor also found its way into Greek and Roman homes and families where men were the heads of their wives. For more on this, see this article and the books it references.
Paul is intentionally countering this concept of the husband being an authority over the wife by saying that the husband is the head of the wife in the same way that “Christ is the head of the church.” So we ask the question, “In what way is Christ the head of the church?”
Earlier in Ephesians (1:22-23), Paul explains that God has appointed Christ to be “head over everything for the church, which is his body.” By this, Paul is establishing that Christ as “head” has authority over his “body” because God appointed him as such just like Greek husbands do over their wives because of their culture has appointed them as such. And so by virtue of being “head,” Christ could demand, like the emperor or the general or the Greek husband, that the body serve him, answer to him, and submit to his authority. But Christ does not do this. Instead, earlier in this same letter (2:19-20), Paul refers to Jesus as the cornerstone of the church that is laid down so that the church could be built up.
“19 Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21 In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22 And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” – Ephesians 2:19-22
This is a metaphor that Jesus used for himself when he said, “The stone the builders rejected has become the “head” cornerstone (eis kephalēn gōnias).” – Matthew 21:42
The “head” cornerstone of the Jewish temple was believed to be the place where Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac. Also, in the construction of Greek buildings, the head cornerstone was usually anointed with the blood of a sacrifice. As the head cornerstone of the church, Jesus was the first to lay himself down sacrificially, with the apostles and prophets following his example, so that the church could be built up.
Paul also explained in 4:11 that the apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers were equipping the people “so that the body of Christ may be built up.” This idea that those who were in leadership served the purpose of building up those who were following them was in stark contrast to the secular culture’s view that leadership was meant to be served. In the same way, here in Ephesians 5:23 Paul is teaching men not to think of themselves as having authority over their wives the way secular culture does (even though secular culture grants them that authority!), but to submit themselves to their wives so that they too can be built up as Christ laid himself down so that the church could be built up.
Paul is teaching men not to think of themselves as having authority over their wives but to submit themselves to their wives so that they too can be built up as Christ laid himself down so that the church could be built up.
To be clear, if anyone claims today that Paul is teaching here that the husband does have biblically granted authority over their wife but should nevertheless love and serve her as if he doesn’t, then that person is missing the point of what Paul is teaching. Having authority over their wives was a status given to men by secular culture, not scripture. Putting this status aside and laying themselves down so that their wives could be lifted up is the command of scripture.
Having authority over their wives was a status given to men by secular culture, not scripture.
Headship in 1 Corinthians 11:3
3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God…8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man…11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” – 1 Corinthians 11:3, 8, 11
Paul’s main purpose here is to admonish the Corinthian men and women and the husbands and wives to respect each other and God. This is the passage where Paul talks about the cultural hair styles or coverings of the day and the level of honor and dishonor they indicate for the self, one another, and for God. For more about this see this article.
For our purposes here, Paul’s use of the phrase “the head of the woman is man” is understood best by his statement in verse 8, “For man did not come from woman, but woman from man.” This is a reference to the creation story in Genesis where woman was made from man. Here, the word “head” is to be understood as “origin.”
Likewise, Paul balances this statement in verse 12 with “For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman.” Here, Paul is making use of a common argument of the New Roman Woman of the day that because women give birth to men and men could not exist without women, then women should have authority over men. But Paul’s statement in verse 11 makes it clear that neither should have authority over the other. Rather, both should respect and honor each other for “in the Lord, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.” And in verse 12 he adds, “everything comes from God.” In this passage, Paul is not teaching that men have authority over women. Paul is teaching men and women to show mutual honor and respect for themselves, one another, and for God.
Paul is not teaching that men have authority over women. Paul is teaching men and women to show mutual honor and respect for themselves, one another, and for God.
Conclusion
Men and women were created to be equal partners in life and leadership, both in the church and in the marriage. While each of us comes to that partnership with different characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses, God’s intention is that we see each other as co-equals, loving and serving one another, and together to fulfill his vision for humanity.
Men and women were created to be equal partners in life and leadership, both in the church and in the marriage.
Families, congregations, and societies function best when men and women are partners who lead and share responsibilities together. If you choose to establish the husband as the head of the home, making final decisions, it’s because of your cultural preference and personalities, not because the bible requires it.
APPLICATION
A healthy Christian marriage can be a mutual partnership while still acknowledging their differences as male and female by embracing mutual submission, shared responsibility, and a biblical understanding of partnership without hierarchy.
1. Submit to One Another (The Mutual Marriage)
The foundation of a healthy Christian marriage is mutual submission. This means both husband and wife serve, support, and love each other sacrificially. Rather than one spouse being the default leader, both contribute to decision-making based on their strengths, wisdom, and spiritual gifts.
2. Recognizing Differences Without Hierarchy
Men and women have differences—biological, emotional, and often experiential—but these do not dictate authority or value. Instead of rigid gender roles, couples should recognize and celebrate their unique contributions in a way that aligns with their individual personalities, callings, and
3. Share Leadership and Responsibility
In a healthy Christian marriage, both partners take responsibility for leadership in the home, finances, parenting, and spiritual growth. However, if one spouse is more knowledgeable about finances, they might take the lead in budgeting, while the other might lead in managing the family’s medical needs, etc. Some women have leadership gifts, and some men are naturally more nurturing. In a healthy Christian marriage, these gifts are embraced without being filtered through cultural gender expectations. Ministry, parenting, and household roles should be shared in a way that honors both partners’ strengths rather than conforming to rigid gender norms.
4. Making Decisions Together
Rather than defaulting to male authority, healthy Christian couples make decisions together through prayer, discussion, and consensus. If a disagreement arises, they work toward unity with humility toward one another. If agreement is still difficult, let the one with expertise, experience, or responsibility for that area make the decision. This is what humility and mutual submission requires. Don’t assume that the man should have the final decision just because of his gender.
By approaching marriage this way, a couple can fully affirm the biblical vision of equality while also celebrating their unique differences as male and female with different personalities in a way that strengthens their partnership rather than enforcing hierarchy.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Sermon from Pastor Jim “Is the Husband the Head of the Wife?”
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